The Conception & Birth of FrontLines School of the Spirit Joel M. Killion, Founder of FSOS (Written in May of 2007) E-mail, joel@fsos.us Website, fsos.us
Regarding the genesis of FSOS, I feel like Saint Luke:
“…Since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, it seemed good also to me to write an orderly account for you…so that you may know the certainty of the things…” (Luke 1:3-4, NIV).
In this same way, I have felt it necessary to share the story of “how it all started.” I sense it is a testimony that may serve to free those who are bound by religious chains or who need encouragement as they themselves obey the Lord in “swimming against the stream” of how things have “always been done.”
The following is an “orderly account” of the conception and birth of FrontLines School of the Spirit (FSOS).
What you are about to read is by no means complete as I know there are things I may have forgotten. And yet I have done my best to recall and write everything, as completely as possible, in the order in which they happened.
As many know, my wife and I started “Waiting Meetings” in our home on Saturday, September 2nd 2005.
Being a solitary, rather introverted type of person, I was not entirely thrilled about opening our home, where I was, at the time, enjoying the solace of a peaceful family life with my beautiful wife and daughter; but the Lord dealt patiently with me until I eventually surrendered, with joy, to His request.
The foundation for those meetings was Acts chapter one where our Lord told His disciples to “wait” until they had been “clothed with Power from on high” (Luke 24:35, Amp) in order to become His witnesses (See Acts 1:4-8).
Therefore, our personal motivation for “waiting upon the Lord” was two-fold:
1) To minister to the Lord the love, attention and affection He is worthy of, and…
2) To “wait” for the unction or power of the Holy Spirit that would enable us to be His witnesses, His way, in His time.
Acts 1:4-8 shows a very distinct four-part progression. Jesus commanded His disciples to WAIT in Jerusalem until they received the gift of the PROMISE of the Father, which would, in turn, EMPOWER them to be His WITNESSES. Do you see the progression? WAIT – PROMISE – POWER – WITNESS. This is the Lord way of raising up a people in His likeness. But the key, for us, that we must never belittle or neglect, in any way, is the “WAITING” part – that is all He asks of us; the “waiting” part prepares us for the next three parts, which God alone can give in His time.
(Anyway, that’s just a little teaching.)
From the beginning, each and every get-together was unique and beneficial. And while it never drew “the masses,” due to the very nature of the meetings themselves (ministering to the Lord and not men), we know He appreciated every moment we spent with Him. And while many would ask, “To what purpose is this waste?” (Matt. 26:8), all I can say is that we only purposed to become more and more effective in washing and anointing His feet (See Matthew 26:6-13; Mark 14:3-9).
In May of 2007, due to the personal direction of the Holy Spirit and a confirmation through one of our dear prophetic friends, we announced that we would no longer hold the “Waiting Meetings,” which were necessary for “that” season. Holding those very intimate gatherings in our home, with the Lord and His people, was more wonderful than I can put into words, but the wind changed.
However, when I first felt this “wind,” leading me to stop the “Waiting Meetings,” I was deeply reluctant, within myself, to respond as I have always been very careful to make sure that the Lord is not neglected in His need of personal ministry. I was troubled, in some ways, because I wanted to make sure that there would always be a place for those who want to spend time with Him, in a concentrated format, with others of like precious faith. And yet, the Lord let me know that we were “waiting on Him,” in many ways, at FSOS - this made me feel better almost immediately.
Those who have been “the faithfuls,” at the “Waiting Meetings,” have made some remarkable changes as they have learned to more confidently obey the Lord, not men, out of a focused love for Him above and beyond all things. Some of these same people have been “going to church” for over 10 years and have never grown so fast as they have while simply laying prostrate or kneeling before their Maker for hours, in an open display of their surrender to Him, from deep within. Simply stated – it’s all about being with Him, without the thought or unction of mere men or religious pressures. I call this “vertical church” where it’s all about Him, not us or anyone else.
On a more personal note, I am endeavoring to perfect this ministry to the Lord everyday within my own life, in the home, on the job and in life, in general. Loving the Lord is the first commandment; therefore, this is my supreme aim in both life and ministry.
There is nothing more fruitful than “just being with Him,” one on one, without any outside controls or mixture. There is simply no way to measure the fruit of a life given to such a cause.
In many ways, I believe the Lord has been pleased with our willingness to “wait” without any thought of “what’s next.” Therefore, He is, slowly but surely, taking us on to the next level, thereby giving us a tangible manifestation of His Promise and Power in the School of the Spirit that will prepare us to be His witnesses, to Wilson, North Carolina and the World.
Deep inside, I am praying, “…Lord…grant unto thy servants, that with all boldness they may speak thy word, by stretching forth thine hand to heal; and that signs and wonders may be done by the name of thy holy child Jesus” (Acts 4:29-30, KJV).
I only pray that we (and especially I) do not get in the way of what He is working to do within our lives.
The FSOS Seed is Sown
In November of 2006, I attended the MorningStar Writer’s, Media & Creative Arts Conference in Fort Mill, South Carolina, with a dear friend of mine, James Miller. Our intention was to learn more about the gift and skill of writing, but after it was all said and done, I knew the Lord had me at that conference for much more than writing.
It all started after one of the morning sessions, when I had a chance to spend some time at the lunch table with one of the leaders at MorningStar Ministries.
After discussing some of the political, social, spiritual and religious ails that were, at that time, bothering me about my home town – Wilson, North Carolina – this person asked me an in-your-face question: “Well, what are you going to do about it?”
I suppose, at the time, I had to get some things off my chest. Besides, I felt like I could “vent” to this person. Nevertheless, I knew this question (“Well, what are you going to do about it?”) was from the Lord for such as time as this. I heard Jesus’ voice in that leader’s voice and I felt the weight of His hand on me, but I was still shocked to the point where I was left with my jaw on the floor. I couldn’t answer; I was dumbfounded; I was speechless. I felt like this question was a much needed rebuke as well as a call to serious, prayerful action, on the “frontlines.”
After that conversation, I was ruined; I couldn’t think straight. My heart and mind was filled with deep, inward, agonizing prayer. All that day, I struggled in a tug-of-war between my selfishness, fear and doubt and God’s call. Needless to say, the “gale force” winds of change began to blow hard on me – very hard!
All that night, I was in and out of sleep, blurting out one excuse after another to the Lord for why I could not and should not “take action”; I was afraid more than anything. All of my reasoning sounded good, even noble, to me, but the Lord answered every excuse with truth. His words were short and to the point and He didn’t back down until I eventually let down my walls out of, what I can only describe as, pure and utter exhaustion. Why did I think I could outlast or out-wit Him? Did I really think I could win the argument?
Quite honestly, I was terrified of the idea of opening up my life to the public through what I knew would be a broader, more demanding place of public ministry (Understand, at this point, I still had no idea what this “new work” would look like.). I dreaded the idea of sacrificing more of my personal time; I have always been very jealous over my personal time.
Plus, at that time, I was more than content (and busy) with my life, as a follower of Christ, a husband, a father, a home-prayer-ministry leader and a full-time, blue-collar worker. I was finally at the point where I could honestly say I was content in all things. And with Lauren being six month pregnant at the time (with our twin girls), I didn’t want to complicate what was already about to become a very busy and somewhat uncomfortable transition in our family life. I kept telling the Lord, “This isn’t the best time. Why are you asking me to do this now? Do You understand how much this is going to affect Lauren and the kids? This is going to change everything and I’m not too thrilled about it.” (I know these are silly things to say to an all powerful Being but I’m very honest with the Lord.)
I knew this new level of responsibility would require more of me and my family, as a whole. And I hated the idea of even telling my wife about this “new” endeavor, because I thought she would object. But, of course, that was my assumption. (Isn’t it interesting how we tend to hide behind our loved- ones?)
Another thing that bothered me was the spiritual and religious warfare that I knew would bombard me and my family once I set out to launch this new work. And I knew that once it started hitting us, it would not let up for quite some time. Of course, when I was single, I didn’t mind spiritual warfare in the slightest as I was only responsible for myself; but, being a husband and father, is an entirely new frontier.
Needless to say, I could not shake the call.
And yet, even after saying “yes” to the Lord, my mind was still weighed down with haunting thoughts of fear, doubt and apprehension. Please understand, I had, at that time, never done anything like this before (Josh. 3:4). I guess the fear and doubt came from “not knowing” the “details” of what the future had in store for us. But I drew strength from the life of Abraham, who, when he was called by the Lord to go to the land that He would show him, went out, “not knowing where he was going” (Heb. 11:8, NKJV).
I had never started a ministry like the one I could only slightly see with the eyes of my heart. I knew it would be a “new thing” and that scared me because I knew I could not use any ministry-style I knew of as a point of reference for what the Lord was about to construct through me.
As my heart began to receive revelation, over the next few months leading up to the February 2nd kick- off, regarding the details of FrontLines School of the School, I began to experience an increasing, personal sense of inadequacy, vulnerability and weakness. As the Lord showed me more and more of what He had in mind for this new work, I became progressively aware of my inabilities, as well as my immaturities. I was doing what I had never done before. Sure, I knew of many others, in the Scripture and in Church History, of “like precious faith” who had “stepped out of the boat” to do what they had never even dreamed of, but this was real life, in the present, not some past story.
I remember when I first sat down, at my laptop to jot down just a few random “God-thoughts” regarding the school, that once I started typing, “stuff” just started flowing up and out of my heart. What started as only a few random words, that I felt I heard from the Lord in the midst of one of my busy days, had now become a ticker-tape-like flow of prophetic understanding that eventually, in one hour, became a five-page outline. Of course, this five-page outline expanded in the days and weeks to come, till it became what I knew I had never heard of before. Sure, I did take a few points from other ministries or churches that I felt had something significant to include but most of what I got from the Lord was new, even to me, which further scared me since I had no idea “how” it was going to work.
In the invitation letter I sent out, regarding the kick-off meeting for FSOS, I included a paragraph that was only a small part of all I was feeling at the time in relation to the school – here is that particular paragraph:
“Initially, this complimentary ministry to the religious community will, among many other things, serve as a supplemental source of supernatural, out-of-this-world nourishment to those who may be attending a local church but are still “hungry” for “more.” Ultimately, FSOS is a spiritual springboard focused upon the restoration, equipping and launching of the saints into divine service. I can assure you that this will be “out of the box” from the very start and will, therefore, never find itself in a box that must be broken at any time in future. So come and join us as we work together to restore, equip and launch the saints of our Well-Beloved into our broken and needy world!”
When I wrote the statement concerning “the restoration, equipping and launching of the saints into divine service” I immediately heard, in my heart, what would become our slogan: “Restoring, equipping & launching the saints.”
Soon after I finished the invitation letter, while I was sitting at work, on one of my 15-minute breaks, I felt a stirring in my heart. I grabbed my journal and started writing what would eventually become our vision statement:
“FrontLines School of the Spirit (FSOS) is a ministry focused on pursuing God, embracing His love, receiving His life and demonstrating His love and power to others. Our primary vision is to see every member of Christ's Body conformed to the image and likeness of Christ Himself, hearing His voice and living His life, in the home, in the community, in the church and on the job. Our directive is to provide an atmosphere of worship, repentance, teaching, impartation and fellowship that enables people to personally encounter the Lord and receive the practical training they need to effectively serve others as bright lights in the world. We desire to work with the Lord in breathing Life into dry bones in order to see them become an exceedingly great army (Ezek. 37).”
Of course, as we change and grow, this vision statement will change and grow with us. Who knows where we’ll be in five, ten or fifteen years – only the Lord knows. Every step we take, as we move forward, is taken with fear and trepidation. We want to be so careful to follow the Cloud, when and where He leads – no more, no less (see Num. 9:15-23). We do not trust ourselves but we do trust the Lord, to lead and empower us as we endeavor to obey His will, without compromise.
Please pray for us as we step out of the boat to walk on water. We love you all.
If you have any comments, questions or words of encouragement, please feel free to e-mail me at joel@fsos.us.
Oh, and by the way, we have a ton of good information on our website: www.fsos.us.